tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094170165009797572024-02-18T20:42:01.253-08:00The Mother RanchJuliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-87967948075234270392019-10-10T11:54:00.000-07:002019-10-10T11:54:00.615-07:00It's moving time! Hey everyone!<br />
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I've been working on a new website and blog together and it's up and running! All about the Mother Ranch, our crazy animals and funny things that happen over here as well as a new set of videos we are doing, starting with this one of the Rocket with her best friend Finn:<br />
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<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/0Fvs4sh-zfQ/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/0Fvs4sh-zfQ?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
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or you can find it here: <br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Fvs4sh-zfQ&t=14s">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Fvs4sh-zfQ&t=14s </a><br />
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Anyway, I hope you will follow me on over to my new place on the web:<br />
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<a href="https://www.themotherranch.com/">https://www.themotherranch.com/</a><br />
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See you soon!<br />
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Julia Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-57748521343115452622018-11-26T17:17:00.002-08:002018-11-26T17:17:28.283-08:00Thank you for your generosity!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We’re grateful to those in the Mother Ranch community who donated in 2018 to my work with special needs families—particularly families who have children with Developmental Trauma Disorder also known as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD.) Because of your generous donations we were able to provide nearly 100 low or no cost Gestalt coaching sessions to families who are financially tapped out due to this mental illness. We also held a RAD Mom Summer Camp Retreat in July for six moms—4 of which were able to attend because of the generosity of donors.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In 2019 we’d like to double those low or no cost coaching sessions for RAD families to 200 and hold 3 retreats for RAD moms. The retreats are 3 days long and held at the ranch. Included in each retreat: an ice breaking, giggling goat yoga class on the first day; a massage for each mom, daily group coaching with the horses facilitated by me; a group transformational breathwork session; all meals; and of course plenty of free time to enjoy each other, nap in the hammocks, or create some art in our big sunny art room. Lodging is camping onsite or nearby hotels. It’s a very special time for these moms, respite from a hard life with children who are emotionally and often physically abusive to their families.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you are searching for a non-profit to donate to, look no further. Whether it’s for November 27th “Giving Tuesday” or an end of year donation, your tax deductible donation will be put to good use. Every dollar counts!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In 2017 we were approved for fiscal sponsorship by Spirit Horse Alliance. They are considered an "umbrella non-profit" where people can donate to my work through them, they hold the non-profit status for me. They take 10% and everything else goes to helping RAD families.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Your donation will be to The White Horse Whispers, this is my original business name and the one still used for all of my work with RAD families.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://themotherranch.com/donate.html"><b>Click here and donate to help more families in 2019!</b></a></span></span></div>
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Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-12991090424963488602018-07-21T05:00:00.000-07:002018-07-21T11:00:15.422-07:00Flashbacks and PTSD in RAD Moms<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My son and I are fans of Dwayne Johnson although for distinctly different reasons ;-) We all went to see his newest movie called Skyscraper. All is well in my world, I'm happy, healthy, and I'm enjoying a movie in a cool theater on a hot summer day. Skyscraper is exactly what I expected from the trailer and I'm enjoying the fun. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And then.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The movie was nearing the end. Dwayne Johnson, who plays a father named Will, and his daughter Georgia are caught at the very top of a burning skyscraper. He has pretty much moved mountains to get to his family who were caught in the inferno. He's managed to get his wife and son out of the building. But now, here he is, at the very tip top, fire surrounding them both. They're sitting on the floor, daughter between his knees and his arms wrapped around her. There is nowhere to go, end of the line. Holding her tight and kissing the top of her head, he says something along the lines of, "I'm sorry."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Cue unexpected PTSD flashback.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>It's 2015. My daughter with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) has been home for 6 years. My son and I are shells of our former selves and Brad and I fight every day. Brad and I are soul mates. We rarely fight. The occasional argument or disagreement but we don't scream at each other. Ever. We've been together many life times and we've pretty much got it down to a science. Boy has that changed.</i></span><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Our 8 year old son is extremely depressed and is being forced (unbeknownst to us) into a teeny-tiny life by our daughter. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We live in a domestic violence household except it's our 10 year old daughter who is the abuser. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">No one believes me.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">(You can scroll on down to see all kinds of posts about RAD but </span><a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2018/02/the-underground-world-of-rad-why-are-we.html" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">this sums it up fairly quickly.</a>)</i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>I've tried everything I can think of to help her and even learned new and unusual ways of living life with her--always trying to help her heal. <a href="https://thewhitehorsewhispers.blogspot.com/">Some things will work for a short time.</a> <a href="https://thewhitehorsewhispers.blogspot.com/2014/08/i-hoped-we-were-out-of-woods.html">Some things make her worse.</a> Still I try.</i></span><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I tell myself, "I will never give up."</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And yet...</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here I am, sitting on top of a skyscraper, my son in my arms, no where to go and the world on fire around me. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Always I am in protection mode but as much as I am always, always "on" and head on a swivel, it is never enough to protect my family 100%. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The abuse that is heaped on myself and those I love just flattens me.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There is nowhere for my daughter to go that will help her and that we can afford.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Divorcing the love of my life and taking our son with me wouldn't fix it--Brad doesn't believe that our daughter is a danger. If we split he will believe her lies and not protect our son from her abuse when they are at his house.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Suicide? In the back of my mind, but in reality, nope. There is no way I will leave my son with no protection.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Nothing can be done and no one believes me. I am h</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">elpless and hopeless. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And so, eyes wide and full of fear at the raging inferno that no one else will see, I sit with my son wrapped in my arms, kiss his head and whisper, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I snap back. I'm sitting in the movie theater in July 2018. We are all safe: my husband and I have come through and are stronger than ever, my son is thriving, I am thriving, and my daughter is doing well in her home. I'm ok. I breathe in a deep breath. Blink. Touch my arms to my son's on my right and Brad's on my left. Breathe. In and out. I am right here. Safe right now. I feel my feet on the recliner and wiggle them around. I feel my skin touching my loved ones. I feel my breath. The movie comes back into focus. I'm here, in this moment. That was two and a half years ago. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Nowadays, this doesn't happen very often and the length of time gets shorter as I learn to pull myself back into my body. I'm able to process what happened a little more each time, to put more words and feelings into the experience instead of sitting in stunned silence. Healing isn't a linear process but instead seems to jump around. I don't mind, I'm just glad there is movement! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, why do I tell you all this? Because RAD moms are often diagnosed with PTSD. Flashbacks can happen and it's okay to give yourself a break--whatever emotions you have about them are normal. AND also know, you aren't broken. You aren't damaged for life. Y</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ou can heal. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/470466603368164/?ref=bookmarks">RAD Mom Summer Camp</a> retreat in early July (a 3 day, all inclusive, healing retreat held at my ranch in Colorado, </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">specifically for RAD moms) one of the shifts was from believing, "I will never get back to who I was before this trauma." to, "I am healing and becoming a new and better version of myself." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">Hi, I'm Julia and I'm a trauma-informed certified Equine Gestalt Coach, artist of 30 years, and Reiki Master. I combine my skills to create an individualized care plan for each client. As an adoptive mother of two (one with Reactive Attachment Disorder and one "glass child"), I am intimately familiar with the trials and tribulations RAD moms and their <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/what-is-glass-child.html" style="text-decoration: none;">glass children</a> face as they navigate the muddy waters of life with a mentally ill child. While I see many types of people in my practice, my heart and my specialty is the health and healing of RAD moms and their glass children. Learn more at <a href="http://themotherranch.com/" style="text-decoration: none;">The Mother Ranch.</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you have a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder in your home and are feeling scared and alone, please join the facebook group called <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/344527186042906/">The Underground World of RAD.</a> I am the admin/moderator, there are a few questions to answer and then you'll be added, lifted up, supported, and believed. </span><br />
<br />Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-63874526789298568112018-07-14T06:00:00.000-07:002018-07-18T08:22:14.621-07:00Co-active coaching and the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One of the interesting things about the </span><a href="http://egcmethod.com/egcm/" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Equine Gestalt Coaching Method (EGC or EGCM)</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> is that the style of coaching is different than some. It's called "co-active" and what that means is that I believe every client already has all of his/her answers lying within but often out of conscious awareness. One of my jobs is to assist my clients in finding their own answers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Advice is easy to come by don't you think? It comes from all corners and we often feel bombarded by what other people think we should do. But really, how often does, "I think you should_____." feel good and true in our own bodies? There is sometimes an internal, "nope" feeling when we are given advice--it just doesn't fit. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Every so often we end up at a place in life that is scary and uncertain. We feel desperate for answers and turn to friends and family to help us find them. That's when the "shoulds" start flying. Maybe we're desperate enough to try anything and we pick up a few shoulds, dust them off and try them on for size, "I don't know what else to do, maybe this will work." Even when desperate it can be difficult for us to implement the advice and have it make a positive difference in our lives--because it's not coming from within. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Making assumptions that our stories are the same and that <i>my</i> way will work for you is a recipe for disaster and disconnection. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, what does all this mean? It means that I don't "fix" my clients. Instead, the horses, client, and I work together and find ways to tap into their internal wisdom (we all have it!) which is where we find the way through any situation or trauma we've endured. Through greater awareness, self-compassion, and <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2018/07/what-is-equine-gestalt-coaching.html">Gestalt methodology</a> we are able to find healing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-90419748177326134632018-07-13T12:06:00.000-07:002018-07-13T12:06:57.288-07:00What is Equine Gestalt Coaching?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-19223311604456964172018-05-10T11:53:00.000-07:002019-02-16T14:45:44.787-08:008 Ways to Help Families Who Have Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There is a horrific facebook video that the <a href="https://postinstitute.com/">Post Institute</a> put out recently. This is what they said:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">Trigger warning! A friend of mine who is a teacher shared this. She shared it to help remind her fellow teachers of the source of distrust and reactivity of some students. </span><br style="caret-color: rgb(29, 33, 41); color: #1d2129;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">It’s heartbreaking when we see with our eyes. There is benefit in allowing it to break your heart a little.</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">The video is from a nanny cam that was set up, and caught the nanny aka "a primary caregiver," throwing, beating, kicking, and stepping on a toddler. It is horrifying and I was immediately sobbing. The sharing of it by Post was to remind teachers (or clergy, friends of families who have a child with RAD, etc) why some children might be acting the way they are. It is </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">not</i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"> meant for families who have kids with RAD. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">We</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"> know (or suspect) what happened to make our kids the way they are. But maybe those family's tribes need to be graphically reminded </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">why so many a</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">bused kids go on to abuse others.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">Their facebook community was up in arms, furious that they would post such a horrendous thing. People were in tears, not understanding why they would put that out into the world.</span><br />
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<span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I understand why they posted it--because people <i>don't get it.</i> Teachers don't get it. Churches don't get it. Family members don't get it. Friends don't get it. Unless you are a parent of a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) you don't fully understand the severity of a) what kind of abuse these kids might go </span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">through (not all kids with RAD were abused) and b) what might happen after (not all kids who were abused have RAD.)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">My heart breaks for this child in the video and what this will likely do to her as she grows. It's very possible that she will never feel safe again--and then...how will she cope? Will she shut down and never return to who she is in her soul? Or will she heal and go on to change the world? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">My dream for her and all the others out there is that someone will scoop her up and hug her tight <i>and that she will learn to accept that love,</i> even want it, and go on to heal the world in her own way. I wish that for my own daughter who was hurt by someone before she came to us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">As parents of children with RAD we try scooping, loving, and connecting but it turns out, "just loving them more" and "more connection" isn't always enough--it can make some of these severely traumatized children more afraid and they lash out in even scarier ways.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Someone recently told me this: Let's say you are a child who has lived all of your life in a loving family. Suddenly, you are yanked out and placed in a meth house. Everyone tells you this new life is okay, how lucky you are. Therapists tell you this life is "normal." </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">See where I'm going with this? Now, let's say you're a kid from an abusive home. You've only ever known abuse. Your mother was abused while she was pregnant with you. Literally, from conception, you have only known abuse. Suddenly, you are yanked out and placed in a loving home. Everyone tells you this new life is okay, how lucky you are. Therapists tell you this life is "normal." How can anyone<i> </i>expect that these kids can just put it all behind them and move on into their new lives, accepting love and safety as the norm? </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmC0k8ztKEfQbF_uptV2Bx6qSmn4NFEMlip0vsb-5Wgjj89_oGfdfyBLvtCiaIG7onrTXnRHX_wtfZYwgJ90uBzFMFJI-tOvzaSisOdoqrngQLx2b68H_tagc_Y6gus47WscLIutxbiFY/s1600/IMG_4839.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="946" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmC0k8ztKEfQbF_uptV2Bx6qSmn4NFEMlip0vsb-5Wgjj89_oGfdfyBLvtCiaIG7onrTXnRHX_wtfZYwgJ90uBzFMFJI-tOvzaSisOdoqrngQLx2b68H_tagc_Y6gus47WscLIutxbiFY/s200/IMG_4839.jpg" width="141" /></a><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If only loving them was all that they needed. What happened to these children is so horrific that "just" love isn't enough. </span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">They need so much more help. If you are like most people, you want children to succeed. Your heart cries out when you hear the stories of abuse and neglect. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Your empathy is your strength--you can help! L</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">et your heart cry </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">and then learn more.</i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"> There are </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">so many</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"> ways to help families who have children with RAD. Here are 8 simple ways to help:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">1. Listen. The next time a parent complains about their kid, just listen. No advice is needed (unless asked for.) You don't know what's going on in that house, even if you live in that house. Many fathers have no clue what's happening in their own home because the abuse doesn't happen when he's there. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8o2Wdd59dO-H0vZmsQaVfDq-m7LhowCB7niby52chqI9w2nbc7ef7PA8a1nCblidWcV7O24I6b5lxmrRenkjDCFFONr0_MFFPu34Lqk0cKHXWDxgj2NCKDrx9Z9PTj96qXy_AcQfKWZc/s1600/IMG_4846.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1194" data-original-width="939" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8o2Wdd59dO-H0vZmsQaVfDq-m7LhowCB7niby52chqI9w2nbc7ef7PA8a1nCblidWcV7O24I6b5lxmrRenkjDCFFONr0_MFFPu34Lqk0cKHXWDxgj2NCKDrx9Z9PTj96qXy_AcQfKWZc/s200/IMG_4846.jpg" width="156" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">2. Support. Help brainstorm. If you're given permission, share their story, ask for help. Start a <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/">gofundme</a> so they can get the therapy they need--the whole family needs it, not just the child with RAD.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">3. Share what you're learning with others. Tell the stories you've heard (but don't use names or locations.) Stories change lives. The people who love and trust you, will believe you. That belief spreads and makes a big difference in the lives of RAD families. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">4. Accept that mental health is an issue that touches every family tree. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">5. Set aside judgement. Just for today, set aside judgement when out in the world. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-KslxtxVbs">Watch this and have a giggle</a> :-)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">6. Offer to take the child/ren with RAD so the parents can be with their <a href="http://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/what-is-glass-child.html">other childre</a>n for a few hours. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkiWI-kGHtTTo3aMwBtBgu0je-KEuw8_f7EvauFKGWPn6NbRGdZK8ps66pIhrwKI2wdQKnh82uqYLR97L2K687RnPx7ba-boKpu8fsi2XeNtz775hIMm2lAssldNwmVRvny07AbQ1kxkw/s1600/IMG_4840.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="942" data-original-width="971" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkiWI-kGHtTTo3aMwBtBgu0je-KEuw8_f7EvauFKGWPn6NbRGdZK8ps66pIhrwKI2wdQKnh82uqYLR97L2K687RnPx7ba-boKpu8fsi2XeNtz775hIMm2lAssldNwmVRvny07AbQ1kxkw/s200/IMG_4840.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">7. Have extra money? (Yep, believe it or not, many people do!) Help out a family who has a child with RAD. </span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">Find people who work with RAD families and donate to them. Here are a few: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">-<a href="http://radadvocates.org/">RAD Advocates</a>. 3 RAD moms started a nonprofit to help RAD families find the services they need.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">-</span><a href="https://discoveryhorse.com/" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">Discovery Horse.</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Sara is an </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">amazing</i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"> coach who works with children with RAD and RAD families using the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method and </span><a href="https://naturallifemanship.com/" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">Natural Lifemanship</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"> principles. You can donate to her work by <a href="http://www.bpsf.org/donate/">clicking here.</a> Make sure you put "Discovery Horse" in the description box.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">-</span><a href="http://themotherranch.com/coachingforadopt.html" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Mother Ranch.</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"> A RAD mom (Is it tacky for me to add myself? I've decided no! :-)) who supports RAD moms and </span><a href="http://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2018/03/who-are-glass-children.html" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">glass children</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"> in their quest for healing trauma, using the </span><a href="http://themotherranch.com/equinegestaltcoa.html" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">Equine Gestalt Coaching Method</a> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and art therapy principles.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">-Know others who help support RAD families? Good! Give to them!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">8. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">If you are falling back on the old, </span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Kids are resilient--they'll bounce back no matter what happens to them,"</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> c</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">heck out </span><a href="https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">this study</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"> done by the CDC and Kaiser Permanente--it's all about ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and it's eye opening.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpuS8CVDmjrRIqTYaRi10dFHqT0TCtBHIwEnkyhArPlM2NpKU6Hml8VTkiSrlHM91mDEef-TMx5ldDKznFEDPRvp6C7aNyWIjHmsB8F4sjIYMb08JkrdXBGhR3zOysd1EnI40Iq7XRuwg/s1600/IMG_4847.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1221" data-original-width="931" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpuS8CVDmjrRIqTYaRi10dFHqT0TCtBHIwEnkyhArPlM2NpKU6Hml8VTkiSrlHM91mDEef-TMx5ldDKznFEDPRvp6C7aNyWIjHmsB8F4sjIYMb08JkrdXBGhR3zOysd1EnI40Iq7XRuwg/s320/IMG_4847.jpg" width="241" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Parents of kids with RAD: </b></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">You have the right to know your children's background and feel horrified and sad and angry...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>and</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">you have the right to feel safe in your own home. Your other children and pets have the right to feel safe. Just because you <i>understand</i> the abuse that happened to your child with RAD doesn't mean that you have to accept abuse </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">from</i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"> your child with RAD.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">I wish someone had told me this when I was in the trenches.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">You and your entire family deserve to be safe. How that looks may or may not be what you expected. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Are you a RAD parent looking for support? Join the facebook group the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/344527186042906/">Underground World of RAD</a> We are a group of RAD parents and caregivers who insist on safe and nonjudgemental support. In-person groups spring out of this larger group all the time (those are the best!)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Are you a RAD mom looking for in-person support? Join the facebook group <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/470466603368164/">RAD Mom Summer Camp!</a> Wishing you could just get away from it all and relax? This summer there are two camps held at my Colorado ranch!</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVys8t0CemLHKSCNT1y49N6JMn5c9PUAjnAtvULR0nlNW8GO8DHKN4pYYA5_a8OCK4KDbB2r4ochIEItuINzV2BMYaL4Abi8ILDMfdY3ESDWK10Ad6onbZ0wZLwLBFLQLxknGbRhCrkqc/s1600/JuliaRayn.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1249" data-original-width="832" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVys8t0CemLHKSCNT1y49N6JMn5c9PUAjnAtvULR0nlNW8GO8DHKN4pYYA5_a8OCK4KDbB2r4ochIEItuINzV2BMYaL4Abi8ILDMfdY3ESDWK10Ad6onbZ0wZLwLBFLQLxknGbRhCrkqc/s200/JuliaRayn.JPG" width="133" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">Hi, I'm Julia and I'm a trauma-informed certified Equine Gestalt Coach, artist of 30 years, and Reiki Master. I combine my skills to create an individualized care plan for each client. As an adoptive mother of two (one with Reactive Attachment Disorder and one "glass child"), I am intimately familiar with the trials and tribulations RAD moms and their <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/what-is-glass-child.html" style="text-decoration: none;">glass children</a> face as they navigate the muddy waters of life with a mentally ill child. While I see many types of people in my practice, my heart and my specialty is the health and healing of RAD moms and their glass children. </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><br />Learn more at <a href="http://themotherranch.com/" style="text-decoration: none;">The Mother Ranch.</a></span></span><br />
<br />Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-82026703538267171992018-03-31T16:28:00.001-07:002018-04-05T12:57:49.617-07:00RAD Mom Summer Camp is here!<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My sweet husband, an engineer, says, "It's time to shoot the engineer and release the design." LOL I've been working on this for weeks!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here's the flyer, feel free to share!:</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihweNm1AdTkyd-ZS_dld-frN3D4-U2Iau24eNVfIbYfW9i4wn9XW1n5_ZKGMPU21rdXUl-2VtJuAFd9uiYgCLmBJvhcpnrZxpM06UWPwtzqU-oGfqYNBj0qCXw6ptDA80qXu3kjS-H37k/s1600/RADMomSummerCampFlyer.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1237" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihweNm1AdTkyd-ZS_dld-frN3D4-U2Iau24eNVfIbYfW9i4wn9XW1n5_ZKGMPU21rdXUl-2VtJuAFd9uiYgCLmBJvhcpnrZxpM06UWPwtzqU-oGfqYNBj0qCXw6ptDA80qXu3kjS-H37k/s640/RADMomSummerCampFlyer.png" width="492" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Click flyer to see a larger version!<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And here are the details:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"When can I register?"</span></h3>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Registration (through </span>PayPal<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">) will open on Friday, April 6 at 6pm </span><a href="https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/usa/denver" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mountain Time.</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"How many moms per camp?"</span></h3>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">10 moms per camp.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Facilities</span></h3>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Mother Ranch is a 15 acre working ranch in Longmont, CO. Attached to the ranch house is a large apartment with my office, group room, fully stocked kitchen, dining room, large art room, and 2 full bathrooms. This is where we will be cooking, eating, and hanging out during free time (along with outside space of course!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Discounted Private Coaching</span></h3>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have set aside days on either side of each session for private coaching clients from the retreats. If you decide to come into town early or leave late, please schedule a private Equine Gestalt Coaching session with the horses and me. You won't regret it! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My normal rates are $125/hr and $50 for each additional 30 minutes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Your discounted rate is </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">$100/hr and $25 for each additional 30 minutes.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Private Coaching days:</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Session 1: </b>Thursday, May 10 and Monday, May 14</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Session 2:</b> Thursday, July 5 and Monday, July 9</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Session 3:</b> Wednesday, August 1 and Monday, August 6</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Summer session groups will be held in the coaching barn with the horses nearby, fall and spring sessions could be inside or outside depending on weather.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Food</b></span></h3>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A fully stocked kitchen will be ready and waiting for you! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Breakfast is on your own and simple: cereal, toast, yogurt, fresh eggs from our chickens. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Lunch is on your own during free time in the afternoon: sandwich fixings, chips, fruit, cookies, etc. Think of the lunches your mom made for you, that's the kind of stuff we'll have on hand.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Snacks, yes! Snackie foods are a must! And chocolate! MUST HAVE CHOCOLATE.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Nearly all of the mothers in the <span style="background-color: yellow;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/470466603368164/">RAD Mom Summer Camp Facebook group</a></span> have expressed interest in cooking dinner together. Please inform me ahead of time if you have "food issues" as my mom would say </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">:-) My "food issue" is gluten so I understand. I also tend to bring a lot of my own snacks to events so I'm always safe. I will work with each group via group email to preplan their 2-3 dinners so I know what to buy (2 dinners for 3-day camps, and 3 dinners for 4-day camps.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">During this time you can just relax, have lunch, get your included massage, read a book or nap in a hammock under the trees, or just hang out and talk. It's up to you!</span><br />
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Goat Yoga, Transformational Breathwork, Massage, Art--all included!</b></h3>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=goat+yoga,+the+mother+ranch,+longmont&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8">Goat yoga</a> is just a gentle yoga class with goats in the barn with you. Some people are yogis and some aren't. You are welcome to bend and stretch or just sit and snuggle a goat. The choice is yours! Either way, at the end of the hour you'll have a smile on your face. I always get asked this so I will answer here: No, I've never been peed or pooped on or seen it happen to anyone (doesn't mean it won't!) It will probably happen to your mat (just flip them over if it does) but don't worry, I scrub them after camp!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=mary+kennedy,+transformational+breathwork&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8">Transformational breathwork</a> is a gentle way to get back in touch with your body and enter that creative, in-touch-with-Spirit zone. Mary Kennedy is our facilitator.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Massage is included for each mom! They will be scheduled once you've registered.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Art--I've been an artist for 30 years. I'm happy to "play" with anyone who would like to :-) Whatever we create during free time, it will be fun and informal and anyone can join in! Maybe you'll learn how to needle felt, or create a vision board, or paint a mandala rock to remember your experience here on the ranch!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Will there be more camps this year?</span></h3>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When these fill, I have the ability to add a few in the fall. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Why so few? So many RAD moms need this!"</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There aren't a ton (yet!) because I started planning 2018, last year and at that time, RAD Mom Summer Camp was still just a dream. I'm not holding out on you, I just filled up most of my summer with children's camps and art classes through the Longmont Rec Center. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">2019 will be a different story!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Airport & Transportation</span></h3>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.flydenver.com/">Denver International Airport (DIA)</a> is about 40 minutes away.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.flydenver.com/parking_transit/car-rentals">Car Rentals at DIA</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.greenridelongmont.com/">Green Ride Shuttle</a> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://longmontshuttle.com/rates/">Longmont Shuttle</a> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Lodging</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>2 minutes from the Mother Ranch:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #454545;"><a href="https://www.wyndhamhotels.com/super-8/longmont-colorado/super-8-longmont-twin-peaks/overview#section-title-b2d44da5">Super 8 Longmont,</a> Highway 287 and Highway 66, recently renovated and doesn't look like a Super 8, check out the pictures on their site!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #454545;"><b>5-10 minutes from the Mother Ranch:</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.victoriainnapts.com/">Victoria Inn,</a> 2400 17th Ave., Longmont</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>15 minutes from the Mother Ranch:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.ellensbandb.com/">Ellen’s B & B,</a> 700 Kimbark St., Longmont</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://thompsonhouseinn.com/">Thompson House Inn,</a> 537 Terry St, Longmont</span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.bestwestern.com/en_US/book/hotel-rooms.06178.html?iata=00171880&ssob=BLBWI0004G&cid=BLBWI0004G:google:gmb:06178">Best Western,</a> 1900 Ken Pratt Blvd., Longmont</span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>20 minutes from the Mother Ranch:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/denbl-springhill-suites-boulder-longmont/?scid=bb1a189a-fec3-4d19-a255-54ba596febe2">Springhill Suites,</a> 1470 Dry Creek Dr., Longmont</span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.ihg.com/holidayinnexpress/hotels/us/en/longmont/qwmco/hoteldetail?cm_mmc=GoogleMaps-_-EX-_-US-_-QWMCO">Holiday Inn Express & Suites,</a> 1355 Dry Creek Dr., Longmont</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/denlg-courtyard-boulder-longmont/?scid=bb1a189a-fec3-4d19-a255-54ba596febe2">Courtyard by Marriott,</a> 1410 Dry Creek Dr., Longmont</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/vbori-residence-inn-boulder-longmont/?scid=bb1a189a-fec3-4d19-a255-54ba596febe2">Residence Inn,</a> 1450 Dry Creek Dr., Longmont</span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.ihg.com/candlewood/hotels/us/en/longmont/qwmcw/hoteldetail?cm_mmc=GoogleMaps-_-CW-_-US-_-QWMCW">Candlewood Suites,</a> 1340 Dry Creek Dr., Longmont</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://hamptoninn3.hilton.com/en/hotels/colorado/hampton-inn-longmont-DENLMHX/index.html">Hampton Inn,</a> 850 S. Main St., Longmont</span></div>
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<span style="caret-color: rgb(69, 69, 69); color: #454545; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>About 25 minutes from the Mother Ranch</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://niwotinn.com/">Niwot Inn,</a> 342 2nd Ave., Niwot, CO. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Other options:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.airbnb.com/a/?af=43720035&c=.pi0.pk25650614176_233093750306_c_12026464216&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIhbL2pdqX2gIVgYB-Ch2BZA4BEAAYASAAEgK2ePD_BwE">Airbnb</a> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.vrbo.com/">VRBO</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Staying on site. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As most of you know, my dream is to offer </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">glamping</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> (glamour+camping) someday. I can't wait! For now though, we offer two options for those that would like to stay on the ranch. There are two full bathrooms in the apartment that you are welcome to use for showers, etc. but you must supply your own towels.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">No matter which option you choose, hotel, B & B, tent camping, or motor home, know that we will be together all day and into the evening--we have to have campfire time and s'mores! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Camping:</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #454545;">If you are a camping kind of person, and would like to stay on site, you are welcome to bring your own gear: tent, bedding, sheets, blankets (50 degrees at night even in the winter), towels, etc. Whatever you'd bring on a normal camping trip and set up camp here on the ranch. The cost for that is $20 per person, per night. </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There are two full bathrooms in the apartment that you are welcome to use for showers, etc. (Air mattress tip, place a blanket on top of air mattress and under your bedding. The ground temp will be very cool and air mattresses suck the warmth right out of your body!)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #454545;"><i><b>Motor homes and camp trailers:</b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #454545;">You are welcome to bring these, just know that there are no dumping facilities here. You can plug into 110 with your extension cord. </span></span><span style="caret-color: rgb(69, 69, 69); color: #454545; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The cost for that is $20 per person, per night. </span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There are two full bathrooms in the apartment that you are welcome to use for showers, etc. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There are places that you can rent motor homes in the area, do a google search. Remember you have to be able to drive them to get them here! Also, "sleeps 8" probably means 2 per mattress. Do some research. We found some rentals on craigslist too.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you have other questions, <a href="mailto:julia@themotherranch.com">let me know!</a></span><br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(69, 69, 69);">3 and 4 day camp schedule (subject to change of course since it's only April 3rd!)</span></span><br />
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Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-82149788787794731372018-03-20T20:24:00.000-07:002018-05-07T14:05:11.948-07:00Who are the "Glass Children"<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP0thd0W5r4aEz8hwUpPSr3wQ3lKMDGf_Kwbts8oPHTc8ydSLhZpRMl-DkxR08hQVWfzagiYBXgDFSkh2GtBWw-FKINhh2_Xfrlt8QWnHlRx9YmwWJtkmzb4f4zis8S9sTox6m-tu_Zhk/s1600/GlassChildInfographic8x10.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1280" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP0thd0W5r4aEz8hwUpPSr3wQ3lKMDGf_Kwbts8oPHTc8ydSLhZpRMl-DkxR08hQVWfzagiYBXgDFSkh2GtBWw-FKINhh2_Xfrlt8QWnHlRx9YmwWJtkmzb4f4zis8S9sTox6m-tu_Zhk/s640/GlassChildInfographic8x10.png" width="512" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Click on infographic to see a larger version.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Hi,
I'm Julia and I'm a trauma-informed certified Equine Gestalt Coach,
artist of 30 years, and Reiki Master. I combine my skills to create an
individualized care plan for
each client. As an adoptive mother of two (one with Developmental Trauma Disorder aka Reactive Attachment Disorder and one "glass child"), I am intimately familiar with the trials and tribulations DTD/RAD moms
and their <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/what-is-glass-child.html">glass children</a> face as they navigate the muddy waters of life
with a mentally ill child. While I see many types of people in my
practice, my heart and my specialty is the health and healing of DTD/RAD
moms and their glass children. </span><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
Learn more at <a href="http://themotherranch.com/">The Mother Ranch.</a></span></span> Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-32033158307903568062018-03-12T15:26:00.000-07:002018-03-12T16:29:55.491-07:00Oprah Winfrey and Developmental Trauma on 60 Minutes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There was a lot of hype, and the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/344527186042906/">Underground World of RAD</a> was excited about the 60 Minutes episode that aired last night 3/11/18. <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oprahwinfrey/">Oprah Winfrey</a> was on board! She was presenting information about developmental trauma! We mothers of children with Developmental Trauma* had high hopes that our story would finally be heard! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If only it were that simple. We know, better than anyone, that our stories are not simple. Life with a child with Developmental Trauma Disorder/DTD aka Reactive Attachment Disorder/RAD is <i>anything</i> but simple. Even the names aren't simple!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/60minutes/">60 Minutes</a> and Oprah had to start somewhere. And where they started was at the beginning. What is Developmental Trauma? What creates it? Oprah brought in her own background of abuse to help tell the story. She hit important points:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Introduced the public to the concept of Developmental Trauma. Didn't mention Reactive Attachment Disorder/RAD--which I believe is a huge step forward for everyone. RAD needs to be taken out of the </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/dsm">DSM</a> (manual used to diagnose mental health disorders)</span></span>. This disorder needs to be described in full and the DSM needs to be using DTD instead of RAD. Therapists using the DSM to diagnose would have a much clearer picture.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Introduced <a href="http://childtrauma.org/">Dr. Bruce Perry</a> and his work.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Brought Oprah's power and influence to the field.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Touched on Trauma Informed Care and two of the places that are teaching it.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What the episode didn't (understandably) delve into, or even touch on:</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Loving parents (often adoptive but can also be bio, step, or foster) who are raising children with DTD/RAD and who no one believes because the behaviors of these children are <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2018/02/the-underground-world-of-rad-why-are-we.html">confusing</a> and <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/triangulation-why-mothers.html">triangulating.</a></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• While the 2,000 children at <a href="https://www.sainta.org/">Saint A</a> are being given <i>true</i> "wrap around services" (<i>everyone</i> in contact with the children are on the same page and have been trained in trauma), the families who have children with DTD/RAD are <i>not. </i>We are still struggling with getting anyone to believe us, let alone help us, because there is a:</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">•
Lack of Trauma Informed Care training within the community: schools,
health professionals, churches, adoption agencies, family and friends.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Yes! Relationships! But what about when the child with DTD/RAD is <i>severe</i> and is physically, psychologically, verbally, and sometimes even sexually abusive to his/her family? When living with these children, safety is above all else. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Even if we had true wrap around services for our children with DTD/RAD--what about the rest of the family that has been hurt? <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2018/03/how-does-reactive-attachment-disorder.html">DTD/RAD moms are targeted</a> and siblings (aka <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/what-is-glass-child.html">Glass Children</a>) as well--they need massive support too. (</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Take the <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/ace-test-for-glass-children.html">Glass Child test here.)</a></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It seems DTD/RAD moms feel a sense of...excitement that Oprah shed ANY light on it and a sense of resignation that it didn't go where <i>we</i> needed it to go. This just touched the tip of the iceberg. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm choosing to focus on the incredible fact that Oprah started the conversation within the public realm! I hope she continues. I plan on sending her information myself! Also, I hope that all of the DTD/RAD moms who spoke out after the <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2018/02/florida-school-shooting-and-underground.html">Florida shooting</a> will continue to do so. I believe that together we can make a difference. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/oprah-winfrey-treating-childhood-trauma/">60 Minutes--watch Oprah's segment focused on Developmental Trauma here.</a> </span></span> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It's 13 minutes long.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-life-changing-story-oprah-reports-this-week/?ftag=CNM-00-10aab5j&linkId=49028125">Oprah talks about the 60 Minutes episode on Developmental Trauma</a></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></span> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hi,
I'm Julia and I'm a trauma-informed certified Equine Gestalt Coach,
artist of 30 years, and Reiki Master. I combine my skills to create an
individualized care plan for
each client. As an adoptive mother of two (one healthy and one with
DTD/RAD), I am intimately familiar with the trials and tribulations DTD/RAD moms
and their <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/what-is-glass-child.html">glass children</a> face as they navigate the muddy waters of life
with a mentally ill child. While I see many types of people in my
practice, my heart and my specialty is the health and healing of DTD/RAD
moms and their glass children. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
Learn more at <a href="http://themotherranch.com/">The Mother Ranch.</a></span> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">* <a href="http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/preprint_dev_trauma_disorder.pdf">Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD)</a> aka Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)</span></span></span></span>Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-1555105527149715642018-03-10T06:00:00.000-08:002018-07-20T14:16:45.504-07:00How does Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Develop?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkYTvdDNSx_PCYXFbhh1yS1pd2dQKgAeWJgRw5dk5lOCb5KOJJnfCjyS_03sL7XzZGIzS29l_hIz2M8WA8yLqgyYB9PQE_JhCagulZA_Oq8B7SxRl_byUUtoX4jyCIrgHEgCl6mpC9kvw/s1600/boy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1076" data-original-width="1600" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkYTvdDNSx_PCYXFbhh1yS1pd2dQKgAeWJgRw5dk5lOCb5KOJJnfCjyS_03sL7XzZGIzS29l_hIz2M8WA8yLqgyYB9PQE_JhCagulZA_Oq8B7SxRl_byUUtoX4jyCIrgHEgCl6mpC9kvw/s400/boy.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><b>A child with RAD endures enough fear to change the way their brain develops.</b></i><br /><br />Coming from a loving family, it’s hard to imagine how an innocent child can become abusive. As adoptive parents we’re told, “These children have come from hard places.” and yet, it’s still hard to understand what exactly creates children who harm their family members. <br /><br />So, let's find out about<i> one of the many ways</i> this happens--come with me…</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A beautiful baby boy is born, ten perfect fingers, ten perfect toes. A miracle. His mother, who is supposed to love him more than life itself—hurts him, or his mother, who is supposed to love him more than life itself, doesn’t or can’t protect him from abuse.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He cries, but no one comes to feed, change, rock, or soothe. If they do come, his life gets a lot worse. He learns to be silent. He learns that no one will help.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He’s two now. He doesn’t speak. He only hears furious screaming at home. It’s dangerous to make any noise at all. He sits in the shadows, making himself as small as possible.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The massive growth his brain should be doing during this time, slows. Some areas don’t develop at all.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He’s three years old. Nothing he can do can make the fear stop. There is no hope. Time crawls by and the only thing he know is that life is full of horror and the one who should love him, caused it—either directly or by not protecting him from it.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He should have learned connection while being fed, looking deep into his mother’s eyes. He didn’t. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He should have learned laughter and giggles while playing peek-a-boo with his mom. He didn’t. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He should have learned that his cries meant something to someone and been held, fed, changed, rocked. He didn’t. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He should have learned that <i>he</i> meant something, but he didn’t.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What he <i>did</i> learn is that the natural love a child has for his mother only equals abuse and terror. So much terror that it feels like he might die from it. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Eventually, if he's fortunate, someone notices and he’s removed from his mother. He’s placed into a foster-adopt home with a family who immediately falls in love with his cherubic face and who knows that children should be cherished. This child, who has been bathed in fear his entire life, comes into a loving and healthy home. He has experiences he’s never known. Kind, soft words. A warm bath. Clean, dry clothes. As much food as he can eat. He is terrified. What does this mean? At least before he knew what to expect. He has never known love, has never known stability or health. What does he know?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A mother’s love is untrustworthy and terrifying.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">His adoptive<span style="font-size: xx-small;">1</span> mother quits her job to stay home with him. The family showers their new child with love. Younger and older siblings want to hold and snuggle the tiny toddler. He recoils in horror.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He can’t make eye contact because no one taught him how.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A gentle scolding and he stares off into space, going within to hide. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He rarely cries. Instead he screams. For hours. Every day. For months. His “fury” is evident but no one really understands—he’s not furious, he’s <i>terrified.</i> He can't connect because any connection to mom threatens his instinctual sense of survival.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/triangulation-why-mothers.html">When it comes to mom and the people, pets, or things that mom loves,</a> he hurts like he’s been hurt and</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> shows no remorse or empathy. His brain didn’t develop in that area.</span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">His behaviors are brushed aside because he’s a child and crashing, breaking, kicking, and hitting happens. But no, not really, not like this.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As adoptive mothers, we are told to, “Love them more. Hold them more. Spend more time.” No one tells us that for <i>some</i> of these children a mother’s love</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> creates a deep, irreparable terror</span></span>. No one tells us that the more we show our love for these extremely <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2018/03/what-is-trauma.html">traumatized</a> children, the worse they get and the more terrified they are.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Hi,
I'm Julia and I'm a trauma-informed certified Equine Gestalt Coach, artist of 30 years, and Reiki Master. I combine my skills to create an individualized care plan for
each client. As an adoptive mother of two (one healthy and one with
RAD), I am intimately familiar with the trials and tribulations RAD moms
and their <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/what-is-glass-child.html">glass children</a> face as they navigate the muddy waters of life
with a mentally ill child. While I see many types of people in my
practice, my heart and my specialty is the health and healing of RAD
moms and their glass children. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
Learn more at <a href="http://themotherranch.com/">The Mother Ranch.</a></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">___________<br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">1</span>Children with RAD can be bio or step but are most often adopted.</span></span>Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-5173511510020783062018-03-02T11:21:00.002-08:002018-03-07T07:31:43.369-08:00What is trauma?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdvXr5AlayWn1_AzQpuqEpryfrzzlB5hAusXlwrkxT9NA79m84RkmfjoBXk4TLY1BFPPCdJn_EsImwVnknf5tCLzVPuHidqQivc1bCjJg53CGEI_8yTP9TBD9PoU9rAVYyqKp4AzceJrs/s1600/TraumaPic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="433" data-original-width="1500" height="115" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdvXr5AlayWn1_AzQpuqEpryfrzzlB5hAusXlwrkxT9NA79m84RkmfjoBXk4TLY1BFPPCdJn_EsImwVnknf5tCLzVPuHidqQivc1bCjJg53CGEI_8yTP9TBD9PoU9rAVYyqKp4AzceJrs/s400/TraumaPic.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I most often talk about trauma in reference to children who suffer from Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and the families who raise them but I'm often asked, "Well, what exactly constitutes a trauma?"</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Psychological trauma is an individual's experience of a one-time occurrence or ongoing condition where:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">1. The individual cannot integrate their emotional experience (overwhelm) or</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">2. The individual experiences a threat to life, body, or sanity.<span style="font-size: xx-small;">1</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Common examples: </span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Experiencing war as a soldier or close to home</span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Assault: physical or sexual </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Domestic violence: experiencing directly or witnessing</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">2</span></span></span></span> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Adult abusing child: </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">physical, psychological, sexual</span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Natural disasters</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Terrorist attack</span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Less common examples:</span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Witnessing</span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">3</span></span></span> death or injury</span></span> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Child on child abuse: </span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">physical, psychological, sexual</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Divorce</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Adoption, even as an infant. (Loss of bio family at best, or worse, the child is removed from the bio home because of abuse or neglect.)</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Neglect: emotional and physical</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Verbal abuse</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Psychological abuse </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Abandonment</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Incest </span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Nontraditional domestic violence (where a child harms the family): experiencing directly or witnessing</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">2</span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Medical interventions</span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You may be thinking, "Oh please, my parents divorced and I'm just fine." Your point is valid--for you. Here's the thing about trauma though: it's a subjective experience of an objective event. Not everyone responds to an event the same way. Two people can experience the exact same thing, one will walk away unscathed and the other will be traumatized.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The more powerless you feel in a frightening situation, the more traumatized you will be. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Psychological effects are likely to be most severe if the trauma is:</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Human caused</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Repeated</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Unpredictable</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Multifaceted</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sadistic</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Undergone in childhood</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And perpetrated by a caregiver<span style="font-size: xx-small;">3</span></span></span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And that is where many of the children with Reactive Attachment Disorder come from. When you read that list, it's not hard to understand <i>why</i> these children are the way they are.</span></span></span></span></span><ol>
</ol>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNQQJa3xchkKay385NMMf7skCix5WrQL-_iTg3ymNKoeptl7xgYkjK8DO623w6187wobqJrDzPY68I-OLgATi9Oqs16XfzsbU9aeLpYAhnraOZwcGYz0Rh_zbDjzdNyZ7VlThdyUWck-g/s1600/JuliaRayn.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1249" data-original-width="832" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNQQJa3xchkKay385NMMf7skCix5WrQL-_iTg3ymNKoeptl7xgYkjK8DO623w6187wobqJrDzPY68I-OLgATi9Oqs16XfzsbU9aeLpYAhnraOZwcGYz0Rh_zbDjzdNyZ7VlThdyUWck-g/s200/JuliaRayn.JPG" width="133" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Hi,
I'm Julia and I'm a trauma-informed certified Equine Gestalt Coach, Reiki Master, and
artist. I combine my skills to create an individualized care plan for
each client. As an adoptive mother of two (one healthy and one with
RAD), I am intimately familiar with the trials and tribulations RAD moms
and their <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/what-is-glass-child.html">glass children</a> face as they navigate the muddy waters of life
with a mentally ill child. While I see many types of people in my
practice, my heart and my specialty is the health and healing of RAD
moms and their glass children. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
Learn more at <a href="http://themotherranch.com/">The Mother Ranch.</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> --</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">1</span></span></span>Pearlman & Saakvitne, 1995, pg 60</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">2</span></span> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Witnessing
trauma: The more attached you are to the victim, the greater the
distress. It is particularly horrifying for a child to witness violence
in any form toward their mother/primary caregiver both in and of itself
and for fear of losing their main source of security. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">3</span><a href="https://www.sidran.org/resources/for-survivors-and-loved-ones/what-is-psychological-trauma/">Sidran.org</a></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></span>Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-14146128532126510342018-02-22T15:46:00.001-08:002018-03-07T07:34:44.945-08:00The Underground World of RAD--why are we "underground?"<style><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><font size="3">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The Underground World of RAD are a group of parents and caregivers, usually moms (adoptive, foster, bio, or stepmoms) who have, or have had, children
with Reactive Attachment Disorder living in our homes.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">We are “underground” because children with RAD have a
specific set of symptoms that make it hard for the outside world to detect
what’s going on. Professionals, including therapists, psychologists,
psychiatrists, medical doctors, clergy and teachers are most often “snowed” by the
child. The child looks, to the outside world, as if she were a perfect angel--
while at home she is full of rage and abusive behavior. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Why is she angry and abusive? Because Reactive Attachment
Disorder is caused by <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2018/03/what-is-trauma.html">trauma.</a> Children with RAD have been abused and/or
neglected when they were very young and their brains didn’t develop in the
typical way. They really have a right to be angry. They do not have a right to be abusive.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Here are a few of the symptoms that relate to this
particular piece of RAD, where the child fools the outside world:</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• cannot give or receive honest affection</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• often engaging and charming, but only superficially</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• false allegations</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• gaslighting </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• <a href="http://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/triangulation-why-mothers.html">triangulation</a> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• extreme manipulation</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• little eye contact</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When the child with RAD is at home, she is angry and
abusive. She’s often frightening to be around. Often the <i>nicest</i> thing she has
to say is, <i>“I HATE YOU!”</i> while pushing <a href="http://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/triangulation-why-mothers.html">mom</a> away.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When mom takes her kids outside to play with the group of
neighborhood kids and mothers that gather in the afternoons, the child with RAD
is sunshine and roses. She waits until her mom is talking among all the other
mothers and then runs up with a big smile, throws her arms around her mother,
and beams up at her, “I love you <i>so much</i> mommy!” As soon as the other mothers
start to gush about how sweet she is, she angles her head so no one else can
see her eyes and they meet her mother’s, throwing her a triumphant smile.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In the early days of this happening, the mom acts
instinctively and pushes her daughter away. The lie is too much
for a new RAD mom. The other mothers are horrified. (As time goes on, the
mother resigns herself to this display and steels herself for the smiles and
hugs that hurt.)</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And this is the beginning of a life of isolation from
friends.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This same story often plays out inside the home with her
parents. When dad is home the child with RAD is easier, maybe not sunshine and
roses, but <i>much</i> easier to live with. The moment dad leaves the house (even just
to the garage or to get the mail), his daughter lays into mom and younger
siblings doing things that, if he had seen or heard, would have had her father
charging back in like an angry bull. So often, he never sees the abuse. <a href="http://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/triangulation-why-mothers.html">He sees what she wants him to see.</a> Later, when the kids are in
bed, he finds his exhausted wife curled up in bed sobbing. Through the tears, she
tells him what her day was like. He is confused. His daughter seemed fairly
happy all evening. His wife is distraught. Her anger slowly fades to
depression. He begins to wonder if she’s not well…is that why she keeps telling
him stories that are obviously blown out of proportion? Has <i>she</i> not attached?</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And this is the beginning of a life of isolation from her
husband.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Grandma is visiting! The child with RAD really puts it on
for her grandmother and they bond over makeup, nail polish, and clothes.
Grandma is ecstatic over her girly granddaughter. She’s fun and sparkly. Sure,
she’s a “spirited child” and “quite the handful” but her bright smile and
booming laugh are infectious. While mom gets her kids ready for bed upstairs
and away from grandma, her daughter says hateful things to her and pushes her
away, hits her brother, and kicks the dog. Later, when mom, in tears, tells her
own mother about what is going on, it’s brushed aside, “Oh well…you and your
sister were bratty sometimes too.”</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And this is the beginning of a life of isolation from her
family.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Due to the nature of RAD most of us are not believed. Many
of us have taken to online groups (and if we’re lucky, in-person support
groups) where we can speak the truth. It’s such a relief to find that we are
not alone in this life of fear.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And so, Reactive Attachment Disorder remains largely
misunderstood and hidden.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">There are many safe groups out there, most are closed and you
have to ask to join, some are even considered “secret” where someone has to invite
you to join. And yet, there are thousands of women who find their way in and
find solace in a tribe of sisters who are enduring daily abuse in their own
homes. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Are you a parent in the trenches, or have a child with RAD somewhere in your family? Join the facebook group called <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/344527186042906/">The Underground World of RAD.</a> This is a safe place to find support. This is also a place where we will be educating professionals. You can learn more once you're there! If you're a mental health professional that would like to learn more, please contact me <a href="mailto:julia@TheMotherRanch.com">julia@TheMotherRanch.com</a></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Please feel free to share this post (and maybe share just a little of your own story.) Make sure to set your own settings for your facebook post to "Public" so others can share as well.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">We <i>are</i> getting the word out! 170,000+ people read my <a href="http://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2018/02/florida-school-shooting-and-underground.html">last post</a> and it's all because of <i>you! </i>I see your posts flying across facebook and feel the power behind your words. I see you telling others, "Please share, I've made it public." and I am in awe of your power. I've gotten dozens of emails telling me stories like, "I posted my story on facebook and a long lost friend contacted me. We had the best talk, she listened and really heard me!" or "I posted my story on facebook and 60 people had supportive things to say!<i>"</i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>I see you.</i> You are vulnerable, with your heart exposed to the world--scared but doing it anyway. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW5_Uodr3cMUVmeCIHw0_rRMijWiwpE3HAdPMf4mFPBazDOV3uIb1v4vPbUM0uLWtDWW-8OHzxaMtIAHS0Ni-z_HVShAsVLlAopN0OOo9Jk_UTRZujdcNzJ2q0EbKJcxBDTG2CnFU5dQs/s1600/RaynJuliaB%2526W_9407.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW5_Uodr3cMUVmeCIHw0_rRMijWiwpE3HAdPMf4mFPBazDOV3uIb1v4vPbUM0uLWtDWW-8OHzxaMtIAHS0Ni-z_HVShAsVLlAopN0OOo9Jk_UTRZujdcNzJ2q0EbKJcxBDTG2CnFU5dQs/s200/RaynJuliaB%2526W_9407.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hi,
I'm Julia and I'm a trauma-informed certified Equine Gestalt Coach, Reiki Master, and
artist. I combine my skills to create an individualized care plan for
each client. As an adoptive mother of two (one healthy and one with
RAD), I am intimately familiar with the trials and tribulations RAD moms
and their <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/what-is-glass-child.html">glass children</a> face as they navigate the muddy waters of life
with a mentally ill child. While I see many types of people in my
practice, my heart and my specialty is the health and healing of RAD
moms and their glass children. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Learn more at <a href="http://themotherranch.com/">The Mother Ranch.</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-81010547364808944232018-02-17T06:00:00.000-08:002018-04-13T16:21:16.764-07:00Florida School Shooting and the Underground World of RAD<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There is an underground world of RAD moms and they are more frightened than ever this week. The Reactive Attachment Disorder facebook groups are lit up with information and worry about the Florida shooter. It's coming up because the shooter was adopted, the police were at his home multiple times as he grew up, <i>and then </i>to top off his <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2018/03/what-is-trauma.html">trauma,</a> his adoptive parents died. These RAD moms are saying: "This will be my kid someday." and "This is why my child with RAD needs to be somewhere safe."</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We don't yet know what Nikolas Cruz's early years were like, and may never know as his adoptive parents are deceased but there are a lot of similarities to the life we know.</span></span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">New York Times: </span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the hours after the shooting, people who knew Mr. Cruz described him
as a "troubled kid" who enjoyed showing off his firearms, bragging about
killing animals and whose mother would resort to calling the police to
have them come to their home to try to talk some sense into him.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></i>
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">CNN:</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Broward County Mayor Beam Furr said during an interview with CNN that
the shooter was getting treatment at a mental health clinic for a while,
but that he hadn't been back to the clinic for more than a year. "It wasn't like there wasn't concern for him," Furr said. "We try to keep our eyes out on those kids who aren't connected ... Most
teachers try to steer them toward some kind of connections. ... In this
case, we didn't find a way to connect with this kid," Furr said. </span></span></i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Gordon Weeks, another attorney representing Cruz, added,
“When your brain is not fully developed, you don’t know how to deal
with these things. That’s the child I’m sitting across from. The child
is deeply troubled and he has endured significant trauma that stems from
the loss of his mother.” </i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As RAD moms, we wonder, "Does Nikolas Cruz have RAD?" </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What is Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD?</span></span></b><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />A quick and easy description is given by the <a href="http://instituteforattachment.ong/">Institute of Attachment and Child Development:</a> <i>A disorder in which children’s brains and development get disrupted by
trauma they endured before the age of 3. They’re
unable to trust others and attach in relationships.</i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Unfortunately, it's so much more than that quick and easy description. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">RAD is often thought of as only a mental illness that adopted children suffer from but this is not true. I know children with RAD who are step kids, bio kids, foster kids, and adopted kids. This isn't an <i>adoption</i> issue, this is a <i>trauma</i> issue. As children from severe trauma often end up in the system and are adopted, RAD is most often found in the adoption world. <i>However, not all adopted children have RAD. </i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">RAD symptoms:</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• cannot give or receive affection</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• no empathy</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• extreme manipulation<br />• long arguments over ridiculous things</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2018/02/hypervigilance.html">hypervigilance</a> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• often engaging and charming, but only superficially<br />• nonsense questions and unrelenting chatter<br />• “mad peeing” (peeing all over the house when angry, years after potty training and up into teen years—this can happen with feces as well)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• crazy lying and stealing<br />• little eye contact<br />• no cause and effect thinking<br />• poor hygiene</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• <a href="http://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/triangulation-why-mothers.html">triangulation</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• parents (particularly the mother) seem hostile and/or confused</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />Severe RAD symptoms are the above <i>and also</i>:</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• threatening behavior, particularly toward the mother and siblings</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• hurting or killing pets</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• abusing mother and/or siblings--physical, emotional, verbal, psychological, sexual</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• false allegations</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• threatening harm to self or others</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• gaslighting </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Again, these behaviors all stem from early childhood abuse and/or neglect. Children with RAD are angry and they have every right to be.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />If Nikolas had early childhood <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2018/03/what-is-trauma.html">trauma,</a> from losing his
birth mother and/or abuse or neglect, then he could have undiagnosed
RAD. As we all scroll through facebook and watch the news we are faced with judgements aimed at the adoptive parents of Nikolas: </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"He needed more discipline." </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"A good spanking would have fixed him."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Where were his parents?"</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Maybe this wouldn't have happened if the parents would have spent more time with him."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Why wasn't he in therapy?" </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The mere <i>thought</i> of this riles RAD moms. We work hard to get help for our children with RAD, we learn therapeutic parenting skills, we <i>beg for help</i> but are more often than not met with misunderstanding and simple parenting strategies. "Try a sticker chart!" we are told. "Hug them more, spend more time with them. They just need more love!" We are not believed when we tell the truth, "My child is trying to harm her brother." We are surrounded by ignorant (not stupid, but ignorant) "professionals" who have very little, if any, trauma training. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We need and want help but there are so few resources out there and the good ones are often private only. No insurance will cover them. If RAD parents <i>are</i> able to get their child in, these resources can work on the children with less severe RAD. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But what about the children with severe RAD? </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">These are the kids who have killed their pets and the parents are not believed. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">These are the children whose parents have had to defend themselves against physical attacks, have been listening to their child with RAD tell them she wants to kill them <i>and then</i> they find the knives she's been hiding in her bedroom </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and the parents are not believed</span></span>. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">These are the kids who have tried to maim and/or kill their siblings (please read about <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/what-is-glass-child.html">glass children!</a>) </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and the parents are not believed.</span></span> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">These are children who rape their younger siblings </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and the parents are not believed</span></span>. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">These are the kids that no one knows how to help. <i>Yet.</i> Some of them can live in super structured group homes where people care for them but do not love them. As surprising as that seems, the "care not love" can help. Love is much too frightening for children with RAD. Love triggers them and creates the violent behaviors. This is hard to believe. It took me years to realize the truth. <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/triangulation-why-mothers.html">To get an inkling of how this works, read the bottom paragraph of this post.</a> Others end up in prison for the things they do. Still others continue to be in their adoptive homes and the entire household lives under video cameras and terror. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i> </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>What You Can Do</b><i><br /></i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As a nation, we know we need better mental health services but what can <i>you</i> do, right now, today? </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Be kind. Suspend disbelief. Reserve judgement. Listen. Find out more. Be supportive. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The next time you hear about a troubled child, don't immediately jump to the conclusion that the parents are at fault. When you hear about a mom who has found a group home, an RTC (Residential Treatment Center), a boarding school, or a wilderness camp for their child with RAD and you think, "How <i>could</i> she?? I could <i>never!"</i> <i>please</i> remember she isn't talking about children like yours. She's talking about a kid who could easily be the next mass shooter. She's not being a drama queen, she's lived through things you might be thankful you don't know about. Her search for a safe place for her child with RAD, is to keep her family safe, her loved ones and friends safe, her community safe, and her mentally ill child as safe as possible. We don't want our child with RAD to have the opportunity to hurt others. We don't want to be the parents of the next mass shooter. If you know someone who is making a decision to place a child <i>she loves</i> outside of the home, <i>support her.</i> Then, hold your healthy children close and be thankful for what you don't know.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/344527186042906/">Join The Underground World of RAD facebook group.</a></span></span><br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW5_Uodr3cMUVmeCIHw0_rRMijWiwpE3HAdPMf4mFPBazDOV3uIb1v4vPbUM0uLWtDWW-8OHzxaMtIAHS0Ni-z_HVShAsVLlAopN0OOo9Jk_UTRZujdcNzJ2q0EbKJcxBDTG2CnFU5dQs/s1600/RaynJuliaB%2526W_9407.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW5_Uodr3cMUVmeCIHw0_rRMijWiwpE3HAdPMf4mFPBazDOV3uIb1v4vPbUM0uLWtDWW-8OHzxaMtIAHS0Ni-z_HVShAsVLlAopN0OOo9Jk_UTRZujdcNzJ2q0EbKJcxBDTG2CnFU5dQs/s200/RaynJuliaB%2526W_9407.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hi,
I'm Julia and I'm a trauma-informed certified Equine Gestalt Coach, Reiki Master, and
artist. I combine my skills to create an individualized care plan for
each client. As an adoptive mother of two (one healthy and one with
RAD), I am intimately familiar with the trials and tribulations RAD moms
and their <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/what-is-glass-child.html">glass children</a> face as they navigate the muddy waters of life
with a mentally ill child. While I see many types of people in my
practice, my heart and my specialty is the health and healing of RAD
moms and their glass children. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Learn more at <a href="http://themotherranch.com/">The Mother Ranch.</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></span>Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-38913671023759400152018-02-12T07:37:00.000-08:002018-02-16T21:56:10.515-08:00RAD Moms, Glass Children and COPING SKILLS<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Children are well known for their impressive coping skills.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Said no one ever.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/what-is-glass-child.html">Glass children</a><span id="goog_1685972958"></span><span id="goog_1685972959"></span> even less so. When parents are overwhelmed with the care of a special needs, mentally ill RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) child, their glass children end up with gaps in their emotional growth. One of those gaps is coping skills. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/triangulation-why-mothers.html">Moms themselves</a> are barely holding on by their fingernails and are just doing their very best to keep everyone safe day by day. <i>Their</i> coping skills are pushed to the edge, how are they supposed to teach appropriate coping skills to their glass children?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">They don’t. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">No. They can’t. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, glass children learn coping skills from:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">•watching their stressed out mothers and fathers</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">•watching their mentally ill sibling/s with RAD</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">•watching other siblings</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">•watching friends, if they still have any (RAD families are often isolated due to the nature of the mental illness)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This is why one of my jobs is to teach self-awareness and self-regulation, aka coping skills. Horses are amazing at this work. They won’t connect when kids are dysregulated but when a simple, “step one” coping skill like breathing is implemented, the horse tunes back in with the child—proving to them that it works and rewarding them for trying. As the simple skills are mastered, we move on to more difficult emotional work, like speaking feelings out loud and asking for what they want or need. <i>Big</i> work for kids who have always been known as “the good ones, the quiet ones, the ones who never need anything.” </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you have a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder <i><b>and</b></i> a healthy child who needs extra support, please contact me at <a href="mailto:julia@themotherranch.com">julia@themotherranch.com</a> or 720-635-7015. Watch your "easy kids" for signs of depression, withdrawal from the family, immersing themselves in obsessive behaviors that keep them checked out from reality, and bursts of rage. Set up a free tour of the Mother Ranch and visit the facility, the horses, mini donkeys, goats, sheep, chickens, and dogs. Sessions here gives your child a chance to get away from the life of a glass child, learn self-awareness and regulation (coping skills) and how to create safe and connected relationships. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hi, I'm Julia and I'm a trauma-informed certified Equine Gestalt Coach, Reiki Master, and artist. I combine my skills to create an individualized care plan for each client. As an adoptive mother of two (one healthy and one with RAD), I am intimately familiar with the trials and tribulations RAD moms and their glass children face as they navigate the muddy waters of life with a mentally ill child. While I see many types of people in my practice, my heart and my specialty is the health and healing of RAD moms and their glass children. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Learn more at <a href="http://themotherranch.com/">The Mother Ranch.</a></span>Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-67430039028492776772018-02-10T14:03:00.000-08:002018-02-10T14:03:09.234-08:00Reiki with a horse in attendance<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Last
year, I began offering Reiki sessions in our open, airy barn with
myself and a horse as the practitioners. The Reiki table is set up in
our cute barn and one of our sweet horses is loose in the barn with us.
Horses "read" our energy constantly and are very interested in helping
us heal. Your horse may stand nearby and lend their loving support, you
may feel warm breath on you or even a soft and gentle nose. Often, there
is so much more.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
have learned so much from the horses about their own ways of finding
the physical or emotional pain stored in our bodies. I have learned to
follow their lead and work with the healing energy they are sending to
our clients. When I'm doing traditional Reiki I am able to find problem
spots in a client fairly quickly but when I'm working with a horse
partner--that time is cut in half, at least! They quickly scan and
pinpoint the area, pointing it out to me with their nose and they are
NEVER wrong. It is an absolute joy to work with such angelic healers. I
often feel like a conduit for the horse. I add my own boost but they
have SO MUCH POWER. Many horses want to help us but our own fears and
often, rules, hold us back from experiencing their true healing nature.
In many circles, horses have to "show respect" by standing an arm's
length from us or they are never allowed to turn their rear toward us. I
understand where this training comes from, and always, safety is of the
utmost importance. But when our horses are given space to be themselves
and the opportunity to be close to us, they shine in ways most people
have never even imagined. <br /><br />Two quick illustrations: Celita and I
were scanning a Reiki client when Celita pointed out her feet. I joined
her in that area. She slowly took a few steps away, turned and, just as
slowly, stepped back and placed her tail and rear end against the right
side of my back. Horses, like people, have chakras and certain horses,
like Celita, have a gift of working with them. This is one of the
reasons Celita is an excellent Reiki horse. Our client's root chakra (at
the base of the spine--human or horse) was blocked and in pain from an
old emotional trauma. As we continued to channel energy, Celita began
gently leaning back on me, I braced myself and stayed where I was. The
client began opening up and telling me what had happened to her. Celita
leaned harder. I put my left foot out to brace myself, letting her pour
her energy into our client. After about 10 minutes, Celita felt our
client had had enough work in that area, took her weight off me and
walked a short distance away. I was in awe but wondered if that was it
for the day--but no, she came back and continued her work with until the
end of the session. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
wondered if horses had a particular way to discharge any energy that
didn't belong to them. I have things I do after coaching or Reiki
sessions and horses do too. Sometimes they go roll after a session. I've
seen them kick up their heels and run, walk slowly back to the herd, or
get nuzzled by the herd. I haven't yet noticed a particular pattern
with a particular horse. I'm guessing they just do what feels right in
the moment--probably the best bet for any of us in the healing arts!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />Celita
and I often do this work together, with Wynter occasionally taking her
place. She and I have an understanding and trust each other--we have
known each other longer. Wynter and I are quickly building that same
type of bond and he is beginning to show me his own gifts.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
second story has actually happened with several clients. So many of us
have heartaches and the horses feel that in us. Celita and I were each
doing our own versions of a scan, when she pointed out the client's
heart. I moved to that area with her and began Reiki. Celita moved away,
walked around the table to my side and stood behind me. Her head was
hanging low over my right shoulder and, because she's a big horse, she
reached all the way over so her nose was nearly touching on the other
side of the table. She pressed her chest against my back and there we
stood for quite awhile, sending healing energy into our client's heart.
As is often the case, the client opened her eyes and began telling me
the story that related to her heart. Sometimes the telling of the story
(which is often a secret) and always the Reiki, helps to open the
chakra, relieving stress and physical discomfort. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
horses and I offer this type of Reiki year round now. Yes, even in the
winter! I have a lot of fleece blankets for clients, a pillow, and of
course you are fully clothed, so just bundle up! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Give me a call at 720-635-7015 or send an email to julia@themotherranch.com to find out more or set up an appointment!</span></span>Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-15144541784149659942018-02-01T22:36:00.000-08:002018-03-02T11:27:29.096-08:00Hypervigilance<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="_Tgc _s8w">Hypervigilance is an enhanced state of
sensory sensitivity accompanied by an exaggerated intensity of behaviors
whose purpose is to detect activity. </span></span></span></i><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></i>
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="_Tgc _s8w"><span class="_Tgc _s8w _y9e">Hypervigilance is also accompanied by a state of increased anxiety which can cause exhaustion. Other symptoms
include: abnormally increased arousal, a high responsiveness to stimuli
and a constant scanning of the environment for threats. Hypervigilance is a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. --Wikipedia</span></span></span></span></i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="_Tgc _s8w"><span class="_Tgc _s8w _y9e">What does this mean for children with Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD? First childre with RAD have PTSD. It has been said that untreated PTSD caused the RAD. Second, they are on <i>high alert, all the time. </i>They are constantly scanning for danger and ways to take control--if they have control they feel they will be less likely to encounter danger. I can't blame them. With their early childhoods chock full of danger and lack of control, this makes a lot of sense.</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="_Tgc _s8w"><span class="_Tgc _s8w _y9e">If only scanning for danger was the only thing they were doing. Having RAD means they have a specific set of behaviors or symptoms. Because of the <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2018/03/what-is-trauma.html">trauma</a> they have endured before the age of 3, these children are unable to trust others and cannot attach in relationships.</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Some RAD symptoms can include:</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• cannot give or receive affection</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• no empathy</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• extreme manipulation<br />• long arguments over ridiculous things</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• hypervigilance </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• often engaging and charming, but only superficially<br />• nonsense questions and unrelenting chatter<br />•
“mad peeing” (peeing all over the house when angry, years after potty
training and up into teen years—this can happen with feces as well)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• crazy lying and stealing<br />• little eye contact<br />• no cause and effect thinking<br />• poor hygiene</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• <a href="http://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/triangulation-why-mothers.html">triangulation</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• parents <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/triangulation-why-mothers.html">(particularly the mother)</a> seem hostile and/or confused</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />Severe RAD symptoms are the above <i>and also</i>:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• threatening behavior, particularly toward the mother and siblings</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• hurting or killing pets</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• abusing mother and/or siblings--physical, emotional, verbal, psychological, sexual</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• false allegations</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• threatening harm to self or others</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What does this mean for mothers of children with RAD? It means they too, have to become hypervigilant to keep the rest of the family safe. It actually is even worse--they have to become <i>more</i> hypervigilant than their child with RAD. As the child grows and develops new behaviors and strategies to keep control, a mother's hypervigilance grows as well, in order to stay one step ahead and keep everyone as safe as possible.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="_Tgc _s8w"><span class="_Tgc _s8w _y9e"> </span> </span></span></span>Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-62821457708979535302017-11-29T09:03:00.001-08:002017-11-29T09:03:42.848-08:00You are not alone.<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I thought I’d share about what taking 2 years away from blogging was like for me. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was sorrowful.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I began blogging in <a href="https://juliamacmonagle.blogspot.com/2007/09/we-have-possible-referral.html">September of 2007</a> in preparation for Michael and Maddie’s arrival. I knew the stories would be <a href="https://juliamacmonagle.blogspot.com/2008/02/holy-pooping-terror.html">funny and gross</a> because that’s motherhood right? I grew up on <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_2_7?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=erma+bombeck+books&sprefix=erma+bo%2Caps%2C217&crid=3LY0M817BC9VA">Erma Bombeck books</a>, my mother would read snippets to me amid gales of laughter. When I was older I read many of them myself—what a talent she was! </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wrote to sort out my thoughts and to tell a story. I wrote for my kids. I wrote to inform others about Reactive Attachment Disorder. I wrote to find answers.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I stopped writing in <a href="http://thewhitehorsewhispers.blogspot.com/2015/09/door-alarm.html">September 2015</a> when there were no answers, when few believed me, when there was no way to help my daughter and no way out. I like to tell myself, “I was on a break.” and I suppose in a way I was. It was a, “I can’t cope anymore.” kind of break. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My daughter left our home two years ago, December 9, 2015. She was 10 years old. She will not return. (more on this later) She is in a place where she is doing well.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In these last two years I yearned for creativity but there was nothing I could do. I tried to write but nothing came out. I wanted to tell the story but the story was so overwhelmingly huge that I couldn’t comprehend where to even begin. I thought maybe I could go back to painting but even that eluded me. My mind was a big blank. Big chunks of the previous 6 years (the amount of time my daughter lived with us) was gone. I couldn’t construct linear stories anymore. I couldn’t even speak them. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was to soon find out that these are just a few of the symptoms of PTSD.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I worried that people wouldn’t understand what had happened but the vast majority of people I told actually did. I worried that someone would say something horrible and I would come unglued. A few did and I didn’t. Come unglued that is. I explained that children who had been exposed to trauma in their developmental years (0-3 years old) sometimes have been so severely harmed that they abuse their family. Yes, children can be abusive. Surprising to me, most people had a story of their own or a close relative where something similar happened--children who harmed others. </span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yet another instance where mental illness isn't talked about. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I told myself, yet again, “You know, there wouldn’t be such a stigma if we could all speak out about this!”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mental illness IS scary but when I expose it to the light it’s a bit better. My daughter has PTSD and RAD. My son and I have PTSD from living with her abuse. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What do I want from writing this time around? Yes, I want to sort out my thoughts, a story for my kids, and to teach others about RAD. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I also write to bring light to the dark corners of families who live with a mentally ill child. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I write to find connection. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I expose my story so others can find an inkling of hope. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I write to offer support. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I write so that you know that <i>you are not alone.</i></span></span></div>
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Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-4281281781067076422017-11-28T14:24:00.001-08:002022-02-08T13:36:24.732-08:00Triangulation & WHY Mothers!?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ5Bml_3Q5JGGPMysh6rP5HsUZ6X8AYc4S547m90Gl0NNiPN8ZkSVG7yYap4SMSDbyoYlmfUMxHR9_oa_T1AVEFGrKOkvYQAjtp8ZSQo8NMMEYG9Knj1B_dMQZSqzLK2E6k2Lq1tdoiPQ/s1600/pattern-triangles.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ5Bml_3Q5JGGPMysh6rP5HsUZ6X8AYc4S547m90Gl0NNiPN8ZkSVG7yYap4SMSDbyoYlmfUMxHR9_oa_T1AVEFGrKOkvYQAjtp8ZSQo8NMMEYG9Knj1B_dMQZSqzLK2E6k2Lq1tdoiPQ/s400/pattern-triangles.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">In families that have a child with RAD there is typically a situation that is called, “triangulation.” In simple terms, it means that the child with RAD is two different people with her parents.</span><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">The child with RAD abuses (emotionally, verbally, physically) her adoptive mother when dad is not nearby and does so on many levels (directly or indirectly by hurting her other children, pets, etc.)</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"> </span></span></div><div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><a href="https://www.themotherranch.com/blog/triangulation-and-why-mothers">...(I have migrated this post and others to my new blog, you can read it in full here.)</a><br /></span></span></div>
Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-45111827334965003862017-11-27T10:33:00.004-08:002018-03-12T14:57:48.851-07:00ACE Test for Glass Children<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiZxOdYdnIQP0zNr_xJGNWBEzG9uB2V3VG0z5GCc-KD4WQ_EiTRMLa3jCf9nuzuvAmCFfkUjCmq6sdvxM3dFXcAlqj35Yyxl2pIiQqdB-ocjZL7ykViMy5PiQzjYidb4pDs-lrYT9YjwI/s1600/sad+child.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1057" data-original-width="1600" height="420" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiZxOdYdnIQP0zNr_xJGNWBEzG9uB2V3VG0z5GCc-KD4WQ_EiTRMLa3jCf9nuzuvAmCFfkUjCmq6sdvxM3dFXcAlqj35Yyxl2pIiQqdB-ocjZL7ykViMy5PiQzjYidb4pDs-lrYT9YjwI/s640/sad+child.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ACE Questionnaire for <a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/glass-children.html">Glass Children</a> who have a sibling with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) currently or previously living in the home.</span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><b>ACE</b>=<span style="font-weight: normal;">Adverse Childhood Experiences</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><b><a href="https://themotherranch.blogspot.com/2017/11/glass-children.html">Glass Children</a></b>=Children who live with a special needs sibling (in this case RAD) and who are unintentionally <i>looked through</i> by parents who are constantly stamping out behavioral, emotional, and sometimes literal, fires.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">While living in your family home:<br /><br />1. Did a sibling or child in the household often or very often...swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? Or act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt? <br />No___If Yes, enter 1 __<br /><br />2. Did a sibling or child in the household often or very often...push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? Or ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?<br />No___If Yes, enter 1 __<br /><br />3. </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Did a sibling or child in the household </span></span>ever...touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? <br />No___If Yes, enter 1 __<br /><br />4. Did you often or very often feel that...no one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? Or your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?<br />No___If Yes, enter 1 __<br /><br />5. Did you often or very often feel that...you didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? <br />No___If Yes, enter 1 __<br /><br />6. Was a biological parent ever lost to you through divorce, abandonment, or other reason? <br />No___If Yes, enter 1 __<br /><br />7. Was your mother or stepmother:<br />Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? Or sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? Or ever repeatedly hit over at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife? Did a sibling or a child in the household swear at her, insult her, put her down, or humiliate her? Or act in a way that made her afraid that she or one of her children might be physically hurt?<br />No___If Yes, enter 1 __<br /><br />8. Did you live with a sibling or a child who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, or who used street drugs? Or was anyone in your household a “cutter” (used sharp objects to harm themselves)?<br />No___If Yes, enter 1 __<br /><br />9. Was a sibling or a child in the household depressed or mentally ill, or did a sibling or child in the household attempt suicide? <br />No___If Yes, enter 1 __<br /><br />10. Did a sibling or a child in the household go to prison, a therapeutic treatment center, a residential treatment center, group home, boarding school, into the foster care system, or was adopted into a different family?<br />No___If Yes, enter 1 __<br /><br />Now add up your “Yes” answers: __ This is your ACE Score.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">•This is a modified version of the ACEs test. For the original ACE test: <a href="https://acestoohigh.com/">https://acestoohigh.com</a></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">•Learn more about the CDC/Kaiser Permanente ACE study: <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/acestudy/">https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/acestudy/</a></span></span></span>Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-34789063803875345162017-11-26T21:48:00.001-08:002022-02-08T13:56:05.055-08:00What is a Glass Child?<p><span style="font-size: small;"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">Here it is, the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSwqo-g2Tbk">TedTalk on Glass Children by Alicia Arenas</a> that had the underground world of RAD moms in tears. Someone understood us, believed us, believed that our "healthy" children were having a tough time. We were thrilled and...guilt ridden. It was never our intention to "look through" our healthy children. I think my mom put it best, "You are stomping out fires (some families are literally) trying to keep everyone as safe as possible--there isn't time for much else when the family is in danger." <a href="https://www.themotherranch.com/blog/what-is-a-glass-child">...you can read the rest of this article here.</a> I'm slowly migrating my blogs over to my website so they are all in one place, not four!)</span></span><br />
</p><p><br />
</p>Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-83991048681750527812017-07-17T21:03:00.000-07:002017-07-17T21:03:50.630-07:00An Equine Gestal Coaching session<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I'm often asked to explain an Equine Gestalt Coaching session--here is a wonderful example:</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
had a client recently who felt he was never in his body. One of the
first things he said was, "I want to be <i>in</i> my body. I think a lot of my
physical ailments might subside if I could be comfortable in my body."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">We worked through a couple of older issues before bringing Rayn into the coaching barn with us. As we talked more about his wish of being in his body, Rayn went from standing quietly with us to a big stretch upward. Have you ever seen a cat stretch by arching it's neck and back? That is what she looked like...in a 1,200 pound version. I didn't think much of it until she did it again, and then again--this time looking me in the eye. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">"Ah. Yes, I hear you." I thought to her. I then asked the client what he was feeling when he saw her stretching like that. He smiled. "I feel like she's showing me how good it feels to be in my body. That it's a safe place to be. I can just "feel" the stretch she is showing me."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Immediately after he said that, Rayn lay down next to us. Now, know that we are in a 24'x24' barn. While it's just the client and me in our chairs, it's not a lot of space and I've never had a horse lay down in there before. Rayn went down with her back to us and, again, looked over at me from one eye.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">:-) "Yes, yes. Thank you."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I laughed, "Ok, well you know horses. This is not normal. What do you make of this?" He immediately blurted out, "That I can be in my body and JUST RELAX in it. It's not a fuss or a fight. I'm safe in here. I can own this space. I deserve to take up this spot. I can have my boundaries and just relax."</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">How beautiful. Thank you Rayn for sharing what he needed to see in a way that would make a difference to him. I know he won't forget your sweet, soft lesson. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My own lesson from this session was this: I sometimes wait too long before setting a boundary (needing to say no and being scared to do it) and then I feel crotchety, mean, and taken advantage of. When I finally do say no, I'm not kind about it. I'm defensive and that feels icky. Setting boundaries in a healthy way means to say no when I need to and then settling back and relaxing into it--the feeling I got when I saw Rayn lay down next to us. Next time I need to set a boundary, I will think of Rayn and her gentle lesson.</span></span>Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-39897255195896709292017-07-04T08:30:00.000-07:002017-07-04T08:32:25.824-07:00White Chicken Red Hat<style>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Most were uncertain why she left her family to
strike out on her own but personally I heard her say it was "Boyfriend" and his
harem of females. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrytMNgvfDI_gny8znKduOOSgzZ9X1cCDgzZ1kKbYp-gsykd9JIa-V1s7swVuIQD93QFGThI9CbNv__QY7QnRcXX_RgjSepduFsTz9x_Z3TXqoYiwP_vXtKdDOcx-ut1bnS5EP8GOGbw8/s1600/BoyfriendHarem3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrytMNgvfDI_gny8znKduOOSgzZ9X1cCDgzZ1kKbYp-gsykd9JIa-V1s7swVuIQD93QFGThI9CbNv__QY7QnRcXX_RgjSepduFsTz9x_Z3TXqoYiwP_vXtKdDOcx-ut1bnS5EP8GOGbw8/s400/BoyfriendHarem3.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">"He's not particularly kind. He talks a lot
about himself and his beautiful white "Silkie" feathers but he
doesn't bother telling me how pretty MY white feathers are and he has never,
not even ONCE mentioned my beautiful red hat."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">She had had enough. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The minute she arrived at the Mother Ranch in
their moveable house she ran for it. In all the chaos of the big move everyone
was in a tizzy, talking about what had happened and wondering what was going to
happen next. In a frenzy of homemaking, six of the harem laid eggs almost
immediately. Boyfriend strutted around the house yelling at the girls to stop
talking so loudly, they sounded like a bunch of...well, you know.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Watching the hubbub, White Chicken Red Hat knew.
She had been all broody with her plan to escape at the old house but with the
big move, the time was <i>now.</i> Acting exactly the same as the harem she shrieked
and carried on with all the drama she could muster, "I don't know what
we're going to do! That was the scariest thing ever! What if...! Oh no...! And
then...!" And before anyone knew what was what she had slipped out the
chicken door and took off at a dead run. She ran like a chicken with her
head...well, you know. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">to be continued... </span></span></div>
Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-63872489925181420222017-06-30T21:30:00.000-07:002017-07-04T09:48:55.928-07:00Laura Longtail's lambing story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvCTygazt-NLizzMe8YfllhOaMH196eAS-35QSykDQQUeLvs8IFEZ02pfe-ybjYBD23ty1f6P3OsB55qS0BRBdH5lVNvr4CdJ71tuWPsxmXlZqqOF1u9SzVwjg05qn5fBryDsKvqx9OqI/s1600/Laura+Longtail_2401.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvCTygazt-NLizzMe8YfllhOaMH196eAS-35QSykDQQUeLvs8IFEZ02pfe-ybjYBD23ty1f6P3OsB55qS0BRBdH5lVNvr4CdJ71tuWPsxmXlZqqOF1u9SzVwjg05qn5fBryDsKvqx9OqI/s400/Laura+Longtail_2401.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Brad and I were finishing prep for a class that another coach was going to hold at our ranch-including evening chores and moving the sheep and their dogs to pasture 3. <br /><br />The coach arrived along with one student and the guardian dogs were barking up a storm. I passed Brad in our work and he said quietly, "We're missing a mama sheep." Three ewes and their lambs were nearby but I didn't see Laura Longtail. I looked way out in the pasture and could see her standing completely still out in the middle of the tall grass. That was odd. Tess and Duke saw her and went barreling toward her. They stopped about 50 feel from her and became statues themselves--tails high and stiff. <br /><br />By that time I was walking out because it all felt really weird. As I got closer I realized that Laura Longtail's tail was sticking straight out. Huh. She started walking toward me and as she got closer I saw her udder was huge and the teats were bright pink! Wha?? She passed me and I saw what the problem was, there was a lamb, stuck. It's nose, part of his muzzle, and one foot. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We didn't even know she was pregnant. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Laura Longtail is a first time mom.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I called our friend Nancy and asked her for advice. She said not to worry too much, sometimes stuck lambs can survive. She said to find the other foot, pull it out, pull the lamb out, swing it by it's back legs and give chest compressions if needed.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I called Brad out to the field and with some tricky maneuvering we were able to get the flock and their dogs out of the pasture while keeping Laura Longtail in. Brad caught and wrestled Laura Longtail onto the ground and I got to work. I was able to just fit half of my right hand inside, right next to the lamb's head--what a tight squeeze! In a few minutes I found the lamb's other hoof and using her contractions was able to get the foot out. With a few short pushes by Laura Longtail, the baby lamb slid out onto the ground. No heartbeat. I quickly scooped him up and swung him (a ram lamb) by his back legs, trying to get things moving along. All I could think of was, "Come on little lamb, please survive." Placing him back on the ground and still no heartbeat, I did chest compressions. Nothing. I tried swinging and chest compressions one more time. Still nothing. Sigh. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Okay. This is the hard part of ranching.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Brad brought the flock back in, they went out to graze, and I brought the lamb up to his mom's head and she began licking him. This was the saddest part. I wasn't sure how long to leave him with her. Do I take him away? Do I wait until he's clean and dry? I decided to wait and sat down next to her. Tess, their livestock guardian dog, waited with me--laying on the other side of the fence, holding space for us all. She was very calm and her calm seeped into me. Laura Longtail gently cleaned her baby for about five minutes. She stopped to look at him for a moment and then placed one of her nostrils directly onto one of his. Waited. A few seconds passed and she repeated it. She breathed. He didn't. She slowly got to her feet and walked away, back to the flock. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">As a child and into adulthood I've always loved the James Herriot books. Living on this ranch, one of my dreams was to assist an animal giving birth. I'm so glad I could save Laura Longtail. I'm sad I couldn't save her lamb. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br /></span></span>Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-43483316040192250532017-06-23T07:12:00.001-07:002017-06-23T07:12:57.026-07:00Early Morning Sogginess<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">5:00am. Wake up to a downpour. Think it sounds pretty...</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">Really hear it. Wonder about the animals. Decide everyone is fine. </span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">Realize all the windows in the small goat barn are open! </span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">Listen. Doesn't seem windy. Seems to be coming straight down. </span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">Drift toward sleep...</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">Hear the wind. Shit. It's now coming into MY open windows! Get up, close my windows. Dogs don't stir. Even the pup. No one wants to go out. </span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">Put on socks and heavy robe. Walk around house, closing all the windows, most were just cracked. Whew. </span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">Go to mudroom to get my boots. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">!!!!!!</span><br />
<br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">I had left ALL the windows WIDE open. Slate (thank God) floor soaked, along with the wood windowsills. Ugh. Add heavy Carhart hooded jacket to my robe and boots. Big white livestock guardian dogs ERUPT IN FURY the second I step out of the house. Obviously an intruder is escaping OUT of the house. I whistle. The screaming continues. I call to them. Nothing. They are pretty damn scary when they don't know who you are. I'm happy about this :-). </span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">Slosh through puddles to goat barn. How long has it been raining?? Goats are bedded down and completely dry. Yay. Slide windows nearly closed and slosh back. </span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">At least my worry for the goats saved my mudroom from flooding!</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" />Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409417016500979757.post-12302824426074666192017-06-21T13:45:00.000-07:002017-06-21T13:45:14.310-07:00My Michael and my Rayn<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5oeNzL2XMhIQ53O7LDYDcdztPEDcBhmd7tViY1oMMgnUOPa-WG0zofTDZk6y6_E48mLkLVMthhVs80MUQhea-oe0IQcBDQ2wYwYZlE_EK-yZQNm5fmBU0NS2Q3QtLbcATJDJF8UNAbi4/s1600/MichaelHugRayn2_0134.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1143" data-original-width="1600" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5oeNzL2XMhIQ53O7LDYDcdztPEDcBhmd7tViY1oMMgnUOPa-WG0zofTDZk6y6_E48mLkLVMthhVs80MUQhea-oe0IQcBDQ2wYwYZlE_EK-yZQNm5fmBU0NS2Q3QtLbcATJDJF8UNAbi4/s400/MichaelHugRayn2_0134.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04950993170677706606noreply@blogger.com0